A Few Heroes

Dungeon Delicatessen
Diary Entry 1

A few days ago I awoke at my normal 3am and went to the shop to open up. There I spyed Garrick and some of the city watch already gathering. Thankfully Fen, our accountant, managed to intercept me and informed me that Garrick had forced him to fiddle the books to make it look like I was laundering money from the company. I was to be arrested on the spot and thrown in jail to await trial.

I managed to get away, but by the time I had worked out what was going on and managed to get the four best pigs we owned, the watch were at my house. Without being able to get in I had to flee with the clothes on my back and whatever I could carry.

But perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. A few years ago I had a great idea for exotic meat – if we were able to sell the meat of monsters or animals fed on monsters, we would be able to charge a premium for the cuts! People would pay more out of interest for the rare meat and we wouldn’t have to pay much, if anything at all.

Because of Garrik’s actions I have decided to put this idea to work and, in a stroke of luck, I met four others who share in the idea of adventuring. There have already been some good meals for the pigs and they have fed well on wolf. It is my hope that they will soon be gorging on goblins, which they can finish while I promote the idea around town.

The others in my new party do not seem to share the same love for the business, but they are happy to let the pigs eat the spoils of combat. When I make enough money I will go back to Fallcrest and challenge Garrick on the charges he has laid against me. With luck I will win and be able to take the business back for myself. Until then my dreams of becoming the entrepreneur starting the worlds first alternative and exotic butchery has taken a big leap forward.

I am wary of some of my comrades, however. Malachite the Dwarf is quite hard to reason with and seems to hate everyone. However he has already felled two goblins and is leading the charge into the castle where they live. If we plan it right he may be the driving force behind my first pig food glut – if Branic, who he persistently derides, doesn’t kill him first!

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Letters to Uncle Goatbender I:
The Goblining

Dear Uncle Goatbender,

This is why you can’t trust humans and halflings. Having tracked the mud of the undertunnels half way across the overworld, I had fallen in with a group of what could loosely be termed ‘adventurers,’ though I’ve yet to see much evidence of a thirst for adventure in them. We have a big fella with a burned up face, a couple of halflings- one of them wouldn’t stop going on about his special bacon, and the other claimed powers of magic. I saw tiny Halfling pigs, which admittedly looked delicious, to back up the claims of the first, but nothing more than glowing rocks to back up the latter. There was a woman, too, but she kept her thoughts to herself. In truth, they were all fairly quiet except the little butcher.
Looking for adventure in Fallcrest, we decided to seek out the ancestral home of the big human, Baurim, Bacim, something like that. Human names tend to roll unpleasantly around the mouth like week-old meatballs. Regardless, we endured a wolf attack during the night as we travelled the King’s Road- some king, I say. Everything above ground seems pretty transient, and the ‘safety’ of the road meant that the poor starving creatures sought their last meal from our cart, and we were forced to slay them. Unfortunate, but the pelts may sell if we can get them scraped and stretched.
When we reached the manor, it was burned down- poorly constructed, I suspect, but humans don’t build to last. The party was so reluctant to seek out the goblins who had slain our companion’s whole family, that it took me aback. I know that surface folk have strange concepts of honour and courage, but it seemed that all courage left them at the first sniff of green blood, and they had to be cajoled to even consider seeking out the greenskins. Some elves turned up, and talked to the human a while in their chirping birdsong language. Whatever they said, it seemed that at least we could seek some combat at last. If they’ve been fighting the goblins for 200 years, and we can raze the keep in a few days, they’ll hear me laughing all the way to the Granite Halls.
We tracked the goblins to one of their bolt-holes, and while we dithered, the little butcher refused to climb the platform that housed the goblin scouts, because “he was too little to climb.” Well, I don’t need to tell you, my blood fairly boiled, and it was clear to me that this group, so frightened of a few goblins (they barely outnumbered us! Six to five! SIX to Five! One apiece if you count Rumbles!) that they betrayed the colour of their livers. If only to get the stench of fear from my nose, I climbed one of the platforms and slew one of the goblins, while the human killed the other. Took an arrow, but returned it with interest.
I fear for the future- although I am eager to storm the Goblin Keep, I am concerned that I am doing so largely alone, as none of the others have demonstrated much fortitude for a real fight. With only goblins for enemies though, I haven’t much hope for a noteworthy battle, but I will write you when I can, all the same.

Your devoted nephew,
Mal

PS- Rumbles is well, but his horns are starting to peel a bit. Is that normal?

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If you go down to the woods today...
Adventure Recap 1

Noon dawned over Fallcrest as our hardy bunch of misfits adventurers who had known each other for minutes weeks introduced themselves to each other in, of all places, the local tavern.

In the desire for loot, glory and random things to butcher our hero’s mingled with the crowd to see if they could determine any good leads on adventures to be had.

Shall we do kobolds was the offer. Too small said one.
Shall we do a mage quest was suggested. Too hoity was the answer.
Shall we go visit the sad tragic ruins of a members family was raised. Why yes that gives a chance to abuse support another member and a chance for loot.

So the goal was set and the intrepid party set off for the ruins of Kalton Manor.

Pausing the journey at a way station on the Kings Highway close to the road to the manor our hero’s settled in for the night.

During the second watch an eery howl raised the attention of our stumpy doughty warrior who raised the camp to the nearby presence to howly type things.
Upon waking our heroic ranger did identify them as wolves and the party readied themselves for the attack, which duly came.

Arranged in defensive pattern, with the range on the roof and the melee in front of the meal cart that battle was joined.
The first round opened with the comedy of one of the wolves shrugging off what could only be described as the warriors rubber g-string.
Not a group to be distracted however our heroes duly dispatched the wolves with a well placed rapier to the head, an arrow to the skull, a bolt to the spine and a shield to the face.

The next day dawned, something, and the journey was continued to the manor.
Which was a bit of a dump quite frankly, it was like someone had torched the place.

Investigation revealed the presence of goblins, and their defeat by elves, so the decision was made, warily by some and more positively by others, to got into the nearby Harken Forest to defeat the goblin scourge that had only manage to repel the Elven residents of the forest for the past 200 years.

On the way through the forest our adventurers were contacted by some of the local elves who, while showing great restraint in the face of a tirade of abuse from one of the flatter members of the party, gave directions to the party on the way to one of the entrances to the goblin lair, while also warning of a new danger to the forest in the form of their darker brethren the Drow.

Approaching the entrance the scouting Ranger spotted a number of lookout platforms. While discussing the plan our warrior with the slightest prompting of one the rogues, and fully giving into his ADHD, decided to sneak blunder up to the closest platform and almost give the group away.

Luckily with an arrow here, and a goblin not learning to fly fast enough there, the danger was nullified before the alarm was raised.

The entrance awaits…

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